Just a dreamer
After my graduation trip to UC Berkeley Summer Program, I dreamed to go to the US to further my studies or work. Going overseas to work or study is generally a sweet idea to me.
I did find my way into an MNC that allowed me to travel frequently to China. It was a super tough one year. It made me felt like I was useless. I was expected to know how to swim in the deep without being taught, and then scolded stupid for drowning.
But it was then I went deeper in my relationship with God. He got me out of the pit and opened my way to a land of milk and honey, not by my merit, but His grace. And it was there I got acquainted with a dear sister in Christ that had walked with me these years. Then after two years in that promised land, I felt led to give up and walk His way.
But I did try to make things happen then. I went Mexico to study Spanish and successfully enrolled in Fuller Seminary’s program. But I felt no peace..so I gave up and came back to Singapore. Now I see my group of university friends travelling around the world to work, posted overseas to work. I wondered why my life took the opposite turn from my will after I followed God’s? But prophetic word was spoken over me before, that I may say, “Not my will, but Yours be done.”
And as friends fly all over, I simply wandered in the wilderness of Singapore, attempting in series of “unsuccessful” ventures, of which Joogo Juice is one of them. I started the juice cleanse company as a stepping stone to organise retreats. That company was squeezed out by competition though I learned a great deal from it, and it sort of broke even. On hindsight, I should have gone straight into the retreats part without the frills of juice.
In recent weeks, after the first few crazy months post childbirth, God has been speaking to me again about retreats. I think. I am tired of trying anymore and getting no results. I feel like I’m just a dreamer all these years. Whatever I touched didn’t prosper. So I need to be really sure what I’m hearing is from God and not my own desire. Perhaps to start believing that my season of this will come in the area of work:
“He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers.” Psalms 1:3
It’s been 10 years since He first called me to preach the Word. I saw how He has trained me to do so in words. From an accounting trained girl who didn’t care about grammar, who got C6 in English AO, and failed in university’s Qualifying English Test (passing rate is 90%?!), I’m today a writer who loves to write, more sensitive to grammar and love the beauty of the language. My friend used to say my blog is boring, but years later an English major friend commented that my writing has improved drastically.
I don’t like to be called an influencer but sometimes I wondered what’s the point of writing on joogostyle.com and its sub-domains when it’s not interesting enough to amass the great number of followers like some (scratch head) influencers.
Times like this, I need to remember that even if I get only 10 readers, I’m already impacting 10 precious lives. One life, one sheep, is so precious to God.
“What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it? And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing.” – Luke 15:4-5
It’s time to put the simple idea of retreats on (online) paper. To share this idea and hopefully have people get on board. If you know of people who has the heart to help people seek His presence and rest in God, contact me!