I have been blogging since blogspot days, moving my wordpress blog from one URL to another and privatising the older ones because I suddenly want to stop sharing those personal and raw entries.
I shifted to Dayre and had a public profile, and an anonymous one to share my innermost thoughts and painful struggles. Anonymous because it allowed me to freely share.. wanting to share with strangers but not all the people I know. Weird isn’t it.
Now with Dayre shutting down, I need to find another outlet to vent. Hopefully the Dayre community will shift to WordPress!
What got me writing? Because of this post by Sharon Au. This type of article has always spoken to me.. for the past 9 years. Is it fear and worry that held me back? Or is it God who has yet to give me that peace and open door to move forward?
Age made me more risk averse. Age made me worry more. Marriage means having to consider another person’s opinion. Having a child requires me to have more faith that I’m doing the right thing and more wisdom to step out in the right direction. And finally getting our own house that we had painstakingly designed and built together made moving all the more harder. That’s why the peace of God is so important.
Perhaps God had more important lessons for me here in Singapore. It doesn’t necessarily means I will be happy once I shift overseas. There’ll be another set of challenges anyway. Staying put taught me that it’s not the surroundings or circumstances that will give us joy, but it’s the contentment that flows from the inside out. Pasture is always greener in the mind. Joy comes from within.
And staying put tapered my impatience. Having that delayed gratification taught me to have patience in the waiting while giving thanks daily in mundane days.
As Paul said,
…for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.
– Philippians 4:11b-12